Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, Mea Maxima Culpa

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

I apologize for my long absence.

My discernment has thrown me for a loop recently, I have realized that after almost eighteen months of working on my application to the wonderful MIC's, that I cannot finish it. I cannot answer the question: Why the Marians?

I am currently a bit down, no heartbroken. I was in love, but realized that it was not where I am supposed to be. I had invested myself fully in thought to nothing but this, at the same time something has been holding me back all along. And now the decision is made, and I am a lost again. Its funny, though, to think of how many times I have seen other guys put them selves through such grief over breaking up with a girl. And now, I have some understanding. I know I have grown, and I know myself better now than ever before, but once again I have no clue where I am headed.

Through other activities, particularly wearing myself out to avoid attending the closest parishes to my house (long story), I have realized that I care about the Mass, properly offered. Not just offered well, not just without abuse, but offered in the most reverent fashion possible. That both liturgical forms offered to the Roman Rite fail to meet the reforms that one was supposed to be conformed to, and the other supposedly based on. So I am searching again for orders. This time I am looking for orders that focus on the liturgy, that realize the universal need for liturgical reform.

A tall order, and it scares me that the idea of founding a new order keeps coming up, both in my own mind and in random conversations.

Please pray for me, and if you know of any orders let me know (please)!

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