Stepping Back

Saturday, February 03, 2007

I can't even tell you how relieved I am that Lent is only a few short weeks away. Lent is one of my favorite times of the year. It's a time of reflection and growth and deeper union with Christ. Certainly I strive to make every day like that - I just feel it more during Lent.

As we approach this holy season, I have decided to take a step back from what I have been pursuing these past nine months. I haven't given up on religious life by any means, so please don't assume that. I just need some time to reevaluate where I am in life and get a grip again. I have so many things I need to do that I haven't been able to commit proper time and heart to it all. So I'm taking a step back and putting my priorities back in order.

When I was younger I was outed before I was ready. I felt as though I was being thrown into the convent. Now I feel it happening again.. only this time I'm doing it to myself. This is not a process which is meant to be rushed - or done in our time. Recognizing that, I do not feel sad about my decision. I feel quite relieved and joyful.

Please pray for me, brothers and sisters in Christ, that I may learn each day to serve my Lord better. Pray that my heart is more united with His in each passing moment and that I am open to accepting His grace. Pray that I may always be patient, willing to serve in the present moment - not always looking forward to the future. And most of all, please pray that He pour out His great mercy upon me, a stubborn and foolish child.

I do not know where the Lord is leading me but I am happy to follow on this winding path as long as I need to. I hope to do it with love and gratitude, so that I may serve Him even now.

+Lord, I have begged of you "lead me where you would have me". Today, Lord, I recognize that you would have me right where I am, doing what I am doing. Help me to do it with patience and love so that your name may be praised. I wish to serve you in all things - especially these things that can be, at times, so difficult for me. I know you give me the graces I need to do the things I need to do and for that I am truly grateful.

Once again, Lord, help me to put you before and above all things - for you are my one and True God and I desire to do your will.



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