Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...

Sunday, February 04, 2007

The Lord is granting me the grace of travelling through one of the very dark valleys of the spiritual realm, and most of my energy has been focused on placing one foot in front of the other. In other words, QM is not having such a fun time right now, and she would sure appreciate your prayers.

The Beloved is so good. He provides for my every need, and He does not hesitate to give His handmaid the bitter medicine she requires in order to grow. My failing footsteps and wavering will notwithstanding, He continues to shape me, form me, and call me unto Himself. I try not to complain, try to be faithful to Him in thought, word, and deed, try to allow Him to transform my heart. I also constantly fail in doing so. But His grace is not about what I can do, but about what I cannot do. He came to heal the sick, not the well. His grace is about my submission to His goodness, His love, and His mercy. His grace is love poured out for me, poured into me, to be reflected back to Him and to all the world.

I am broken, weak, fickle, corrupt, the greatest of all sinners, unworthy ever to speak the Name of God Most High, let alone kneel in His Presence. And yet I know that somehow, mysteriously, He loves me with an undying and infinite love, despite all my iniquities. Not only that -- He calls me to Himself, asks me to love Him in return, invites me to give myself back to Him as an oblation. My broken, sordid, inconsequential being! Who is this Divine Bridegroom? This magnificent Lover? I tremble before Him. I tremble, yet I can do nothing but continue to put one foot in front of the other on this pathway to Him. Love draws me, even through fear and trembling, to climb up from this dark valley to greater and clearer heights. I am not capable of such a climb, but I pray for the humility to allow Him to lead me, to guide me, to give me the strength for the journey.

I cannot hide from Him, nor can I hide any part of my heart from Him. I must allow him to see all, own all, test all, and perfect all. Jesus! Master of my heart! Have mercy on me, a sinner, and transform me according to Thy will!


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