Thursday, March 15, 2007

Hello, all. Sorry it's been so long. I've had to rachet back my internet use and spend the time either praying or studying (I'm sure you all can relate)!

The last three months have been transformative for me, my spiritual life, and my understanding of my vocation. Mostly it's been a difficult time, but at the same time such a blessing! The Lord is so good. Before I try to explain some of the things I've learned, let me tell you what I'm up to now:
Tomorrow morning, I and thirteen other girls are headed off on a "nun run," and we'll visit the Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist, the Religious Sisters of Mercy in Alma, the Sisters of St. Francis of Perpetual Adoration, two Poor Clare monasteries, the Community of St. John, the Passionists in Kentucky, the Nashville Dominicans, the Pink Sisters in Missouri, and the Franciscan Sisters of the Martyr St. George. Pray for us as we travel and pray together!
I'm still doing graduate work, and am planning on studying in Rome for seven months during the coming year. I'm not sure how I'm going to afford it, but God will provide if it is His will.

Which leads me to the biggest lesson of the past three months: confidence in His love and surrender to His will. I have felt a religious vocation for so many years, and sometimes I get so frustrated that I haven't been able to pursue it yet. But consistently, the Lord has asked me to wait while He forms me into the woman He created me to be and leads me to the spiritual spot that I need to be in order to give my fiat to His call. This year, despite (or because of) all the blessings and graces of living in the women's discernment household, has been extremely dry, dark, humbling, and lonely. But I've finally realized that the Lord, in His mercy, is ASKING me to come out into this desert and embrace the aridity, so that He might prepare me for my future mission. The reason He called me here was not just for general discernment, it was for specific purification and growth, so that I may truly be His bride.

And so I find myself walking through the desert again, but this time I'm trying to embrace this time and live every moment in greater union with the Beloved Lord, who calls me to Himself.


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