General situation

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

How long has it been since I lasted posted on this blog? More than a year? Perhaps; yet it seems even longer. Time (or our perception of it, at least) has such a way of expanding... This will not be so much a vocational post in the strictest sense of the term; rather it will be an update about the more general kind of vocation - the call to be Christian. This will be about where I am at as a Christian. I think that for the time being this post will suffice until anything more relevant pops up.

This past year has been one of realising the fruits of grace in my life. Grace truly does work in mysterious ways. On a day-to-day basis I was not (and many times still am not) aware of the workings of grace, nor of any substantial changes in my life. Yet when looking at the broader picutre, looking back, one can notice change, even if ever so slowly.

I have witnessed the power of the intercession of the saints and our Blessed Mother. I have marveled at the miracle of creation in the birth of a nephew - both at the mystery that lies behind it, as well as intercession that brought it about. I have realised how I utterly fail to make most of the Psalms' words my own; yet even so the day's events replay themselves in my mind's eye as I go through them. I have occasionally been given a glimpse of the workings of sin - my own and of others - how it ramifies, infecting others and spreading death. The conscious remembering of Scripture verses slowly subsides, giving way during the day to them coming spontaneously, as a reminder of what one is called to, towards Whom one should look. I have gained a deeper understanding as to why I have always put so much value in true friendship, as well as to by which of God's "four voices" did He call me back to Him while I was still a heathen. At times my heart has been filled to overflowing and yet the fire was quenched for not being able to find the appropriate outlets. I have had the chance to taste a simpler sort of prayer, to "hear" the murmurs within my heart, to hear those inaudible words which are not words, but which can say so much. I have suddenly marveled at the world around me and questioned how can it be that I had not noticed it sooner. I have glimpsed God through others, especially in those whom were total strangers and even so poured upon me undeserved kindness and love - I have glimpsed His love, I have felt it and been humbled. I have become aware of a sort of joy, of peace, that slowly tries to make itself more felt within; it is not boisterous, but it is sustaining.

In spite of this, things have not all been sunshine and good weather. There have been many moments of ungratefulness, moments of stumbling again and again upon the same stones, of doubting at times whether if it is all not just the product of a deranged mind... Still, I cling to Him in whom I hope, in whom I trust, for He has restored me to Life.

And yet, is any of this my doing? Is any of this within my power to realise? No, I cannot ascribe to myself these things, this slow and groggy awakening. This is where I am. My feet are still heavy, and sometimes my route uncertain, so I commend myself to the Good Shephard, that He may bear me upon His shoulders and lead me to green pastures.

+ LORD, lift thou up the light of thy countenance upon us. +

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